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WHY THE 2014 PHILLIES WILL BE GOOD: CHOOCH EDITION
Published03 Apr 2014
Despite the atrocities of the past two games, I believe the Phillies will be good. Despite the fact that every person with a pulse and a computer declared the 2014 Phillies a bunch of bums that will be lucky to win only 67 games (S.I.), I think the Phillies will be good. Am I insane? Possibly. However, I believe the 2014 Phillies will actually have things go their way. This week, I present the first of many components that will (and must) go right for our heroes this season.
In November 2012, the Infallible One, Carlos “Chooch” Ruiz was suspended for his use of Adderall. This was an injustice of titanic proportions considering that he needs the help of that medicine just to be as “normal” as you and me.
This is what an incoming pitch looks like to a typical MLB batter…
This is what an incoming pitch looks like to Chooch…
As you can clearly see, Chooch needs Adderall just to see a baseball at all. Not taking this medicine can put him in both physical and statistical danger. Fortunately, he has been given an exemption allowing him to take this medicine this season {way to be a year and a half late on that MLB (#AntiPhillyConspiracy)}. Now that Chooch is being treated fairly and equally, he can do what he does best…play baseball. I think it's safe to say that Chooch will hit at least .300/.400/.500 this year. If he doubles up on his dosage, even better.
God Bless, Ride or Die, and remember, keep those High Hopes, Dopes!
