Eagles Postgame Report: Birds Find Ways To Become Even More Of A Disgrace

The Eagles flat out suck.

There isn’t any other way to put it. The Giants, like the Cardinals, are an absolutely horrendous football team and Philadelphia is far worse than both.

Might as well not even attempt a play-by-play description. The Eagles forced two punts and allowed three touchdowns and a field goal on defense.

The Eagles offense was trash with a line that blocked nothing, a quarterback and coaching staff to stupid to figure out every play is a blitz and to either run or throw short and a quarterback (Hurts) whose only good decision the entire game was to throw to a slant to AJ Brown (who proceeded to fumble the ball away, yet again, to preserve the shut out).

It was over before the half as the absolute dumpster fire swapped in their backups in less than 30 minutes of game time (and the backups played the same quality, for your information).

The second half was continued trash. If you’re a fan of watching absolutely terrible football, go ahead and review it.

I will state that Marcus Mariota played far better and spread the ball out far more than Jalen Hurts was willing to with a worse running back and OL situation around him. So there’s that for a supposed “MVP caliber” player.

Offensive MVP: No One

Was there anything positive that happened on offense? Maybe OZ’s route running could get him the call, but Jalen Hurts was locked in on the worst receiver the team has had in three years with this year’s version of Quez Watkins, so it really didn’t matter what he did – OZ was never getting the ball until the game was out of hand and second teamers who could make wise decisions came in.

The other option would be Marcus Mariota, who showed Philadelphia the first halfway competent QB play they’ve seen in several weeks. Get this: he was able to make plays despite a blitz coming. Incredible. If only Hurts had decades of experience in football to allow hit to not only identify but take advantage of blitzes…

Defensive MVP: Reed Blankenship

I want to say no one, but just have to respect the fact that Blankenship was making tackles, PBUs and an interception after the game was already forfeited by the coaching staff. Respect the grit – it seems we got one dog on this team, at least. He could probably call a better defense, too…

Game Notes

• Avonte Maddox: why is he back? He’s being paid millions and just drifts off into the middle of nowhere every other play, leaving a receiver wide open each time. His being injured all season made this team better and his return has made this team worse.
• Have to mention that James Bradberry made an excellent PBU to tip up the interception for Reed Blankenship. If he hadn’t been burned himself for deep yardage, he’d be the defensive MVP.
• Britain Covey had some really impressive catches in this one, including one that was ruled out of bounds but he at least held onto (the very same rainbow passes that Quez Watkins has dropped at every opportunity he’s had). That said, have to take it with a grain of salt since Watkins had almost 100 yards and a touchdown in the second half, and we already know he’s awful.
• If you’ve gotten this far, know I’m surprised you even clicked on the article. I don’t know what else there is to say without just lacing in profanity everywhere.

Injury Notes

• Sydney Brown was ruled out with a knee injury after the first punt of the game.
• AJ Brown left in the first quarter after his lone touch (and after he fumbled the ball away, yet again). The fumble occurred before the injury.
• Jalen Hurts hurt his finger but stuck it out in the game. Not to worry, he sucked so bad before the injury it was negligible to the quality of the game.
• Reed Blankenship was shaken up on his interception. He did not return.
• Cam Jurgens got poked in the eye as the backup center and was replaced with Dickerson due to a lack of OL available. He was ruled out.
• Nolan Smith injured himself in the third quarter when he finally hit someone instead of whiffing on every tackle attempt. He did return to the game.
• Grant Calcaterra limped off in the third quarter of this game. He returned to the game.
• Eli Ricks went down with some sort of leg injury at the start of the fourth quarter. I’m pretty sure I saw him back out there, but, if I’m being honest, I didn’t pay enough attention or care enough to check each play who was out there.

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants – January 7, 2024