The Sixers ended the suspense today, announcing the arrival of their new mascot Franklin the dog. He is descended from some famous lineage of Philadelphia blue dogs or something. He’s a dog, he dunks, he’s blue, and he can bust a move.
Let’s talk mascots for a second. Obviously the Phillie Phanatic is the best mascot in sports. And I really think one of the main driving forces behind that fact is that he is some sort of random mythical monster. As my buddy Nik used to say, everyone needs a bit of surrealism in their day to day life, and what could be more surreal than being poked in the eye by a party blower embedded in the snout of a giant green monster? Monster mascots, as you might call them, are clearly the superior form of mascot. You avoid the “what does X have to do with the Sixers” questions because it clearly has nothing to do with anything. You also leave room for great jokes like this and this.
The Sixers actually had a monster mascot once upon a time. It was a big fat creature with shaggy hair and glasses, and his name was Big Shot. He looked like the love child of Janice the Muppet and Grimace the McDonalds whatever.
Big shot was clearly taken directly out of the Phanatic playbook, complete with gyrating belly, costume changes and dance routines. If we still had Big Shot today I guarantee it would be amazing and no one would be worrying about our mascot.
As for Hip Hop … you know I didn’t mind Hip Hop. He was a monster mascot of sorts, in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle “I’ve created a monster!” kind of way. He was also a pretty awesome dunker and even jacked up his knee at one point doing so. The real problem with Hip Hop was that he was a walking statement on culture. And if someone can write that last sentence about your mascot, you know you really screwed up. Keep it simple. All mascots need to do is be goofy, entertain kids, and maybe throw down a dunk or two. They don’t need to be an American Studies thesis.
And that’s why I gotta say, despite not delivering a monster mascot, the Sixers nailed this. They were clever to frame Franklin as by kids, for kids, because that’s how it should be. No one really cares about mascots except for kids. If you are older than 13 and actually care about any mascot today, it’s because you started caring about it when you were 7. I love the Phanatic, but that’s because when I was but a wee blogger he was like the only dude in town who could mess with my Dad while my sister and I laughed about it. I mean you can easily envision the focus group of 8 year olds having this exchange with Scott O’Neil.
“What’s your favorite animal kids?”
“DOOOOOOOGGGGS!!!”
“If our mascot was a dog, what color would it be?”
“BLUUUUUUUUUUE!!!!”
“What if we made our mascot a blue dog?”
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”
I have a 15-month-old son, he freaking loves our dog. Our dog has done nothing to earn this love, he mostly pesters him for food. Kids love dogs. Fish in a barrel. The only criticism I’ll raise is that he is a bit of a busted looking dog (perhaps a little too bearish). That can always be corrected after the fact with some plastic surgery though, a la Pierre the (nightmare inducing) Pelican.
More than anything I’m just glad we have a mascot at this point, because this whole "mascot debacle" felt much larger than it should have been. It made no sense to me how vocal some were in their displeasure with the mascot options from a couple years back. Sure, they weren’t great options, but would it have really mattered? I’d wager that any 7-year-old girl would’ve been happy to snap a selfie with Phil E. Moose. Ultimately Adam Aron made a miscalculation in making such a big deal about the potential new mascot when he was standing in the shadow of that giant green beak right across the street. This is probably a one-mascot town, so don’t bother with the hype. Yet he did, and we were left with 3 years of "they can't even get the mascot right" for the tanking Sixers.
My biggest hope for Franklin is that he persists for many years. This mascot stuff only seems to become a thing when the teams make it a thing. So do yourself a favor Sixers, roll with Franklin for a solid 20-30 years. Let some generations grow up with him, let him just become a fact of going to the Wells Fargo Center. Beyond that, let the product on the court do the talking.
