They (who?) say, "Heroes are remembered, but legends never die." Clearly the 2014-2015 Sixers had zero legends, and only a handful of Heroes.
You know how I know that? Because, for the first time, cold turkey, I took the 2014-15 Sixers Roster quiz on Sporcle to see how well I remember the 31, YES THIRTY ONE, players that graced the Sixers' roster last year. Taking this quiz does serve as a pleasant walk down memory lane, so in honor of the start of 2015-16 Sixers training camp, and in an attempt to remember the forgotten before they are, well, forgotten again, here’s a live blog of me taking the Sporcle quiz (video of the quiz taking below) and reminiscing about the glory days of the 2014-15 season. Times indicate the time left in the quiz (five minutes total).
(5:00) – I have no strategy for this quiz. It’s like I’m in Ray Stanz staring at Gozer in Ghostbusters, emptying my mind of all thoughts, waiting for a name to pop in (except instead of Stay-Puft, it’s Furkan Aldemir.)
(4:53) – Fitting that the first name that DOES pop into my mind is MCW. In some ways, he embodied the entire story line of last year. A rebuilding plan started, then stopped. MCW was our savior at one point, then he was an afterthought. The MCW trade proved that Hinkie was all-in on finding a superstar, and kind-of-good-but-not-great players would not suffice, especially if they could be moved for lottery picks.
(4:45) – Going MCW first has sent my mind down a PG path. I rattle off Wroten, Ish Smith, and Canaan in quick succession. PG remains an unresolved position for the Sixers and a storyline for training camp. Ish is gone, Canaan can’t shoot despite that being what he is known for, and Wroten is, well, Wroten. My hunch is your 2015-16 starting PG is not in this list.
(4:30) – After stalling out for 10 seconds (why does this feel so nerve wracking?), I come up with Hollis! Did you know Hollis has shot 40% from downtown in both of his first 2 years in the league? Do you know that I can’t come up with another good thing to say about Hollis?
Typing the name “Thompson” sends my mind on a tangent – weren’t there other Thompsons or something close to that on the team? Thomas Robinson! I type “Thomas,” but as Sporcle only requires you type the last name of someone to get the answer, I instead reveal Malcolm Thomas. The name does ring a bell, but I could not tell you that he played 17 games for us last year in 2 separate stints with the team (!!) without googling it.
(4:21) – I finally get Robinson typed in and T-Rob is off the board. Remember when we stole Robinson off Waivers from the Nets the same season that the whole wacky Ak47 debacle occurred? (AK47! Remember for later …) If one of Hinkie’s hobbies is fucking with Billy King, I am all for that. In related news, T-Rob is currently on the Nets. Go figure.
Oh, bonus Robinson! Forgot about Little Big Dog, a.k.a Glenn Robinson The Third. Had much love for GR3, despite his dad being one of the biggest turds in Sixers history, but ultimately GR3 was just one of many pairs of PG shoes that didn’t fit last year.
(4:09) Knocked out a few more swingmen here with Lord Covington, Jerami Grant, and the dearly departed K.J. McDaniels. K.J. was the other interesting trade from last year (besides MCW), one that helped polarize the fan base for the first time in the Hinkie era. Viewed as a steal in the 2nd round, K.J. showed early promise as a 3-and-D guy, leading some fans to believe Hinkie cut bait on him too quickly. But his play flagged as the year went on and there were hints of behind the scene strife due to those unseemly unguaranteed contracts the Sixers hoist on their 2nd rounders. Also his Mom wasn't happy (see tweet below). So off he went. The jury is still out on K.J., but for what it’s worth he managed only 33 TOTAL minutes on the Rockets after being traded.
A 76ers family member across from me. She keeps booing the 76ers and yelling "pass the ball to my son" sparkly boots. pic.twitter.com/2iIJugaY5V
— jordan eichenblatt (@JEichenblatt) December 22, 2014
(4:02) – Bad sign, I’m grasping at straws already. The Elliot Williams era was really already 2 years ago? Where does the time go.
(3:50) – Time to knock out the frontcourt, with Nerlens, Embiid, and my good pal Hank Sims! I know Henry’s ceiling was really low, but jut like Coach Brown I loved his grumpiness. He was a modern day Tyrone Hill, hitting 10 foot jumpers, hustling for boards, and occasionally getting you a double-double. For the record, all of my irrational love for Henry Sims has transferred to JaKarr Sampson.
(3:37) – Speaking of JaKarr … Still hurting from his haircut.
(3:30) – Man, Jarvis Varnado was two years ago also? It’s shocking how many journeymen have come through here, and how many of them I actually do remember.
(3:13) – Time to pound out the “Salary Dump All-Stars,” led by JaVale McGee. You know, there was a moment where I felt like, “Why NOT JaVale McGee?” But then I remember that it’s JaVale McGee.
Rounding out the squad was Andrei Kirilenko and Ronny Turiaf. Funny to think that all 3 of these guys were once considered premier NBA players, and now they are just contracts that pass through town. Their old status as big names clearly helped me remember them though.
(3:12) – Whoops, Danny Granger was 2013-14 Salary Dump All-Stars, not 2014-15.
At this point I’m sitting at 18/31 answers. Almost feel like dropping the mic and walking off the stage. But then I remember Furkan Freakin Aldemir, and we press on!
(3:00) – From the depths of my mind I yank out Ronald Roberts. That right there was the Stay-Puft moment. It’s just popped into my head. Not sure he ever actually played a minute for the team.
(2:49) – J-Rich! Can’t believe it took me this long to get him (Christ, I got Ronald Roberts first). Congrats on your retirement J-Rich. Oddly, despite being a great candidate for being labeled a bum and a waste of money, I have no ill feelings towards him. By all accounts he was a good mentor for the young squad, and I’m glad he was on our team.
(2:20) – I’m totally blanking, and there are 10 more spots!!! What the hell?!?! I type in Elliot Williams again, just to make sure.
(1:50) – Ahhhhh Brandon Davies. He of the ultimate hustle. Remember all that hustle down the stretch in the 2013-14 season? How could you not forget that hustle. In fact, given one word to describe the Sixers (excluding negative options like “tanking,” “terrible,” or “no talent”), I think you’d have to use hustle. Brett Brown has gotten an amazing amount of effort out of a collection of young players who knew they were on a death march to 18 wins. It’s always fun to see players reach new heights simply due to effort, and Brandon Davies was the poster boy for that at some point. Then we traded him, cause that’s how we do.
(1:15) – After about 45 seconds of furiously typing in every name that came to mind, I finally land another one: Larry Drew II. Jesus, we really did audition a ton of PGs after the MCW trade, eh? The lesson of course is until its win time, Hinkie and Co. will continue to audition any and all takers in search of a hidden gem. And most of them will end up as a late Sporcle answer.
(0:00) – In the few milliseconds before the final 8 names are revealed I worry that I forgot someone obvious. And that someone is Luc Mbah a Moute. Forgive me LMAM! What a terrible sin! Blame it on the odd anxiety I felt doing this while recording it. I dogged LMAM so hard when he first landed on this team, seemingly bringing nothing to the table. Then he went out and hit more 3 pointers in one season then he had in his entire career combined, brought a steadying hand to an otherwise frantic offense, and mentored some of the younger guys (presumably mainly fellow Cameroonian Embiid) and gosh darn it if I wasn’t sad to see him go.
The remaning names I miss: Alexey Shved (should’ve gotten that one also), Malcolm Lee, Jorge Guiterrez, Jared Cunningham, Tim Frazier, Christapher Johnson, and Drew Gordon. A plethora of “Who?” right there. The sheer volume of names in red at the end of the quiz is a strong reminder of the coldness with which “The Plan” moves forward. They’ll all forever be Sixers … except for Jorge Gutierrez, forget that guy. Philly status revoked!
Final score: 23/31, or 74%. Not bad, wonder if I’ll beat that at the end of this year. More interestingly though is how many blanks will there in the 2015-16 quiz? You can be certain that if there are more than 30 spaces, we are still knee deep in the rebuild.
