YO, PHILLIES! WHERE’S THE CREAM PIE?

Hello, Phillies Phans!  Displaced Phan of the global sensation displacedphan.com here to lodge a complaint.  I started watching tonight's Phillies game shortly after John Lannan gave up the first Royals hit of the night.  Watching Philly sports has become quite the chore (labor of love?) over the past 12 months and the Phillies haven't made it any easier their first week back.  After watching the Flyers crash and burn as well as my last glimmer of hope of winning an NCAA pool extinguish earlier in the day, I wasn't in much of a mood for any further nonsense. 

So naturally, it's the bottom of the 9th inning and the Phillies have only mustered one run and I can't stop my eyes from rolling.  Suddenly, the Royals pitcher can't throw a strike and there's a threat of a conga line walk-off ending to this game.  After Domonic Brown and John Mayberry, Jr. both struck out (obviously weren't watching the game in the dugout), it was all up to Kevin Frandsen to save the day.  Would I be able to drink a celebratory beer or just another of many consolation beers?

HOT DAMN HE DID IT!!  Kevin Frandsen hits a bases clearing double and walks off to the delight of everyone (except that guy they kept showing on TV wearing Royals crap).  Frandsen is immediately interviewed by Gregggg (sic) Murphy and I wonder, "Who's gonna smash a shaving cream pie in his face?"  The answer was NOBODY!

 I couldn't believe it.  It was the perfect moment for it.  The team was off to a poor start to the season.  They were about to lose again.  A bench player comes through in the clutch.  That's THE moment to smash a hastily made pie right in his mug.  SMPhH.  Shameful.  I put together an RIP video/moment of silence for the Phillies cream pie:

Now Shane Victorino is in a bunch of those shots.  I'm guessing it made his year anytime he was able to deliver a cream pie to the face of a teammate.  With Vic gone, however, somebody is going to have to step up.  My vote is for Ben Revere.  Ben is a perfect person for the job.  He is everyone's 2nd favorite player (CHOOCH), he's fast, and he's happy all of the time.  He's perfect.  My guess is that he wanted to do it, but as the new guy, he didn't want to step on anyone's toes.  I sincerely hope that this oversight is corrected the next time there's a walkoff win or a position player pitches a scoreless inning in the 19th inning.

Ready to pie!